Holy GPS

She Has God's Purse

Excuse me, please. Have you seen God today? She left
her handbag in my parlor. Yes, of course I'm serious.
I don't know her address, but I'd have thought, if she
were anywhere nearby, it might be kind of obvious.


SOME FELLOW ON A TALK SHOW SAYS HE'S GOD
OR ELSE GOD LIVES INSIDE HIM. WORDS TO THAT
EFFECT.

Well, that complicates my job a bit. I don't suppose
that you could locate him and shove the handbag
down his throat?

NO, I DON'T SUPPOSE I COULD. THE GUY IMPLIED,
THOUGH, THAT WE ALL ARE GOD. SEEMS THAT
WOULD MEAN SHE LIVES INSIDE YOU, TOO.

No way I'm swallowing her purse. Besides, I'd rather
not be God. I really do prefer to worship somebody—
some entity, much larger and more powerful than
me, and smarter, who can summon angels and
perform a miracle when necessary. Isn't there a Holy
Spirit, too, who visits now and then from Heaven,
bringing Peace?

I get mixed messages, know what I mean? Like, one
day it's, "Surrender," and the next day it's The Work?
And then someone authoritative claims that we
create our own reality, and honestly, it's more than
I can do to make my bed. Back in the day, whenever
I would get confused this way, I'd lay my burden
down for God to take, and she came through
dependably.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? THE BUZZ IS, YOU CAN
MANIFEST YOUR HEALTH AND HAPPINESS. IT'S
ALL ABOUT VIBRATIONS.

Doesn't anybody pray these days?

WELL, NOT SO MUCH. THEY MEDITATE AND
CONTEMPLATE AND SUCH.

I don't mind meeting God halfway most of the time;
but now and then I want to be taken care of, like the
Bible says, you know, rest in green pastures....

YEAH. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.